is done, we are in 2009. This Christmas Eve was very strange. Even unhealthy. Hiding in the bathroom to cry it's not very nice what. Crying what, you say? Crying shame, despair, doubt, tiredness, fatigue, anxiety, lack.
"I do not know where I'm past few days, what I should do, how I should react. I lost track. I was so sure of myself there not long ago, I 'were content to be distributed on new foundations, to be moved on ANYTHING basically. But it took you disembark like that, without warning, you fucked everything I had managed to repair weak, that you violated one by one the barriers that I put my heart before. You're a bulldozer. I hate you. I am not unsettled and I really like this. For once I had asked nothing and I was careful not to make a pretense of fuckin first step towards you. For once, I remained silent, erased ... You suddenly wanted to change that. Help me to follow you. Help me to know what I should do. Start by not already make me doubt, by no longer make me doubt. "
That is what is going on in my head while my tears flowed for the second time that evening. Yes because there was a first time. It was just because I realized that I could be pretty unbearable. I wanted to slap me, me bleed. Yet I tried to make efforts, when I heard my own voice, for example. There, I said to myself internally "Warning, you're a ball at that moment. Shut your mouth for a moment, do you remember, then forget that you did and again." And obviously it did not work. I hate myself. That
, 2009, you give envy.
"I do not know where I'm past few days, what I should do, how I should react. I lost track. I was so sure of myself there not long ago, I 'were content to be distributed on new foundations, to be moved on ANYTHING basically. But it took you disembark like that, without warning, you fucked everything I had managed to repair weak, that you violated one by one the barriers that I put my heart before. You're a bulldozer. I hate you. I am not unsettled and I really like this. For once I had asked nothing and I was careful not to make a pretense of fuckin first step towards you. For once, I remained silent, erased ... You suddenly wanted to change that. Help me to follow you. Help me to know what I should do. Start by not already make me doubt, by no longer make me doubt. "
That is what is going on in my head while my tears flowed for the second time that evening. Yes because there was a first time. It was just because I realized that I could be pretty unbearable. I wanted to slap me, me bleed. Yet I tried to make efforts, when I heard my own voice, for example. There, I said to myself internally "Warning, you're a ball at that moment. Shut your mouth for a moment, do you remember, then forget that you did and again." And obviously it did not work. I hate myself. That
, 2009, you give envy.
Mood: lost.
RB: After Hours - The Velvet Underground.
Pic: Irina Ionesco.
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